Dear Ed McMahon,
I can't believe you are gone. Opening up the mail and finding a Publisher's Clearing House mailer will never be the same. Who will come to give me my $10 Million? I miss you already.

Dear Farrah,
You were a hair goddess. I'm sorry you had to deal with cancer. I wish Charlie could have done more for you.

Dear Michael Jackson,
You were consistently weird, and consistently amazing. I hope you're at peace, and I hope you and God are rocking out. Maybe now you can do an actual moon walk...

-E

Michael,

I don't know what we will you do without you to taunt in the media, to talk about over the watercooler, or to emulate in our plastic surgery.

Turning on the TV will never be the same. Will the autopsy verify that you are in fact your sister Latoya? Is there any way to prove if you were indeed a virgin? For the next two weeks, I will eat, drink, and breathe your life through the Internet and possibly ET.

You made my life wonderful in so many ways that I can't even begin to explain....

Goodbye and thank you for being a friend.

Thank you so much for keeping country first!! Thank you for not doing "the popular thing", sticking to your guns & doing what HAD to be done! We never stopped praying for you & the decisions that you had to make!!Thank you for keeping us safe since 9/11.
On behalf of the 57 million Americans who did NOT vote for B.H.O.& do not agree with his leftist ideology, we will resist his efforts to move our nation away from OUR heritage of individual liberties toward "a brave new world" of collectivism.

DONATIONS SOLICITED FOR G. W. BUSH PRESIDENTIAL LIBRARY
Tuesday, January 9, 2009

Dear Fellow Constituent:

The George W. Bush Presidential Library is now in the planning stages and
accepting donations. The Library will include:

The Hurricane Katrina Room, which is still under construction.
The Alberto Gonzales Room, where you won't be able to remember anything.
The Texas Air National Guard Room, where you don't even have to show up.
The Walter Reed Hospital Room, where they don't let you in.
The Guantanamo Bay Room, where they don't let you out.

You get bashed a lot for a lot of things that were not your fault. Most of the people just want to blame it on you, it's not your fault that the economy fell apart while you were in office. I think you were a great president. Good luck with the future and I hope that history treats you well.

Goodbye Mr. Monkey President! You weren't the best president in the world (a dead dog with no legs could have done better) but hey, I'm willing to cut you some slack! After all, you're only a monk-

Wait, what?

You say he's not a monkey?

But what about the nose picking?

And the poo flinging?

And all those silly words he made used to make up?

Oh, I see. He's a person. Hmm. I better get out of here. I see the secret service coming...

(runs away with middle finger thrust proudly in the air)

Dear Mr. President:

Thank you for your service to our nation. I know that you faced many difficult decisions, and made these decisions according to your principles. Thank you for keeping the country safe from a terrorist attack, and for the courage of your convictions to see the war in Iraq through. As I have heard you say, you can look in the mirror and know that you did your best for the American people. I believe that history will regard your administration with greater favor than current opinion does.

It would give me great pleasure to see you doing the perp walk into The Hague to be tried for war crimes.

President Bush,

Dear President Bush,

I consider myself a Democrat, and I voted for Barack Obama this year. But in the past, when liberal friends of mine – and honestly, most of my friends are pretty liberal – talked about you as though you were the Antichrist, I thought it was a little silly.